I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just google imaged poop.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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