And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
