Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize