I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.