Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.