wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you made out with another girl for some wings