i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
