I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
