Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
