You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
