so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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