What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
