2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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