My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
