Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
now i know why i became what i already was.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
