Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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