i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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