omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A bitchslap is in order.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
