I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I would ride that face into the sunset
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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