...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And then he peed in my hair
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
