Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
