Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Randomize
