Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize