Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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