successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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