I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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