Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
