Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
