Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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