I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
