Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize