Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
