I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
