she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
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I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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