Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
