The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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