I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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