Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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