i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
