the condom got lost in my hair
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
