U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
