I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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