You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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