Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
