I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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