Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
