If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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