Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
