why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
