Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
