There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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