o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
