I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
