genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
