i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
