you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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