I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
