I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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