so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
two words: eviction party
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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