alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
