wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
