Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
