Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
