So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
