then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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